This morning I did something that's probably the hardest thing I've had to do so far in my 1 month shy of 25 years on this earth. I'm surprised at how brave I was...I mean, yeah I cried - but I got through it...and got everything off my chest.
Last night there was a montage of memories playing in my head...from "I lost my jacket" and standing out front of the restaurant drunk confessing things I shouldn't have been confessing, and listening to Plastic Little in my room, and "you're amazing - I swear" - to cheeseburgers and margaritas at Pianos and shiny purple coats and Indiana Jones & getting caught in the rain at Union Square - it was horrible. Horrible because I don't want to let go of those memories...or have to supress them. They're my favorite memories to date - and I don't know if anything can top them. It makes me really sad to think I won't be making anymore memories like them to add...
And, to make things worse - that song is stuck in my head. THE song. The one that was supposed to explain everything.
I'm wondering now if this was the reason I was feeling uneasy the past few days?
I think it's ironic that I was having a conversation with Binnie about the situation a few months ago...and she told me I had to do what's best for me because she's been in my shoes and it's not a "happy ending".
Life is funny...
Now I'm left feeling like crap - but in a different way than I was before...
I'm really sad....I feel like my heart is being held together with tape right now.
Today's going to be rough.
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