BS.

You have trouble focusing on your work today and the more you isolate yourself from others, the more distracted you are. You don't need to worry about anyone else diverting your attention now; your own mental gyrations are enough to keep you plenty busy. You won't solve this dilemma with brute force; give yourself permission to wander off into a daydream. When you come back to reality, you'll be twice as productive.

I know what's distracting me, and I'm mad that I'm letting it. I doubt a daydream will help.

Lots of new pictures soon.
I have over 400 that I need to sift through.
Sifting through clothes tonight.
I need help.
Anyone want some giveaways?

Dream Dictionary

Christy and I were discussing weird dreams that we've been having.
I've been dreaming that I either can't find a bathroom, or that I'm in a bathroom that's just a toilet in the middle of a public room.
Monday I dreamt that the toilet was all clogged up.
Last night I dreamt that I was out of toilet paper.
Sometimes I dream that I have to find a bathroom for my little sister.

Bathroom
To dream that you are in the bathroom, relates to your instinctual urges. You may be experiencing some burdens/feelings and need to "relieve yourself". Alternatively, it may symbolize purification and self-renewal. You need to cleanse yourself, both emotionally and psychologically.

To dream that you are in a public restroom with no stalls, signifies your frustrations about getting enough privacy. It may also indicate that you are having difficulties letting go of old emotions. If you reveal these feelings, you are afraid that others around you will judge and criticize you. If you dream that you are in a bathroom meant for the opposite sex, then it suggests that you are overstepping your boundaries.You have crossed the line in some situation.

To dream that you can not find the bathroom, signifies that you are have difficulties in releasing and expressing your emotions.

Toilet
To see a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions or getting rid of something in your life that is useless. The dream may also be brought about by your full bladder and is attempting to get you up and go to the bathroom. If you are cleaning the toilet, then it means that you are starting to shed your shell or lose your inhibitions.

To see a clogged toilet in your dream, signifies that you are holding and keeping your feelings to yourself. Your emotions have been pent up too long and you need to let go of the negative feelings.

To see an overflowing or flooded toilet in your dream, denotes your desires to fully express your emotions

And this is how I feel today.

"...it's like a carrot in front of a horse."

Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Libra.

Normally you are the one who can gracefully hide your feelings in order to make everyone else feel good about what's happening. Today, however, your patience may run thin as you respond impulsively, without giving yourself enough time to monitor the impact of your reaction. Don't be hard on yourself if you make someone uncomfortable. Taking care of your own needs is more important now than keeping the peace.
Posted by Lil' Nay at 11:34 AM 0 comments
Labels: life

OK.

So you can tell when I don't have much to do at work because I start actually thinking about my life and I start blogging about all the crap I want to do and only scratch at the surface of.

I'm feeling like there are a lot of "phases" I never went through when I was growing up. I always had to be responsible. Since the age of 10 I was left in charge of my sister (who was about 6 at the time). I had to get her up and ready for school, make dinner, do the laundry, do a ton of chores, etc, etc. That was my entire life until I was in college.
When I was 13, I spent my entire summer taking care of my youngest sister who was an infant at the time.

I never had time to rebel or do things I wasn't supposed to do.
I started to a little bit when I was in college, but I didn't do anything worthy of cool points.

I always had a lot of friends, and I always had fun but for some reason now I'm feeling like I missed my chance to do all the stupid things that kids do.

Not that it matters. I'm just wondering how I would have turned out had I been a bad kid. Or just not so uptight and worried about the rules and getting in trouble.

Haha In 7th - 9th grade I was best friends with Chris Cain.
He started hanging out with these kids in the "2nd Ave" crew.
I would hang out with them too, but one time they came to my house and stole a bunch of my cds and broke some stuff in my basement.
My mom would always give them cookies and juice in the morning if she saw them on their way to school. They loved her.
Those kids were really bad.
I think I had crushes on all of them. haha

Anyway, the point of the story is that I want to do whatever I want. It's eating me up inside.

Re: Show last Monday

I was doing fine up until a week ago.
Things were going really well and I was finally getting myself to where I wanted to be.
I was just trying to be a good friend.
That's what gets me in trouble though.
Sometimes I have to put myself first.
Now I'm having the same anxiety and the same emotional fears that I was a month ago.
I'm being as strong and as tough as I can, but it's so hard.

Me in a Nutshell?

I like
wearing wife beaters over my t-shirts.
painting my nails.
making my own clothes.
painting.
drawing.
eating grilled cheese. Buttery, cheesy, grilled cheese.
riding bikes.
when you call me.
laughing.
dancing.
being stupid.
fun stuff.
making friends.
oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.
people who are real from start to finish.
street art. Of any kind.
photographs.
feeling appreciated.

Note to Self:

a. Join a gym. You need it.
b. Find your niche. You don't belong anywhere.
c. Stop being sad. You're alive.
d. Make better decisions about how to spend your time.
e. Stop associating with "those people." You're supposed to be "detoxing".
f. What do you want?!

"I Hope You Enjoy My Mommy's Chicken"

I need to stop looking for old emails.
And reading them.

AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

Black paint.
Black paint.
Black paint.
Black paint.
Black paint.
Art is going to be my "black paint."
It's hard because black paint can't drown songs stuck in your head.